Funerals, Reflections & Relationships

Last week I attended the funeral of a good, long-time friend who died just before New Year. 

The crematorium was packed to overflowing and many familiar faces were dotted amongst the crowd of people who had come to pay their last respects.  The service contained some real heartfelt tributes and as usual, we all learnt things about our friend we didn’t previously know. 

The tributes were glowing: he was dedicated, hardworking, reliable, a loving husband and father … but one phrase amongst these tributes hit me harder than anything else in the service; it was the simple phrase,

“If only he knew how much he was appreciated and loved by others.”

And that set me thinking.

I had known him for nearly 30 years, yet how often had I told him that I valued his friendship and counsel?  How often had I said, “You’re a good friend” or “I appreciate you” or “If you ever want to chat, I’m here.”

Now I know it’s very easy to become introspective at funerals and think about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘If onlys’ of life, but I do think those few challenging words are very significant: to me  and to everyone in friendships or relationships.

We all need friendships and relationships to function at our best. Many will be long-standing; some will be more recent; some will be brand new.  Whatever their status, a key factor for their success is our input (the one thing we can control), both in terms of quality and quantity.

Why do we have relationships?

We’re human beings and we need personal contact: without it we’re potentially heading for potential health risks and psychiatric disorders/imbalances.  If it were not so, why is solitary confinement used as a form of torture to break down resistance and extract information/cause harm and suffering?

The nature of relationships will vary depending on their context e.g., personal relationships will be different to business relationships, but the core requirements are pretty consistent regardless of their context.  Three common scenarios are:

‘I’m in it for what I can get out of it’:  most of these are doomed to problems and failure, and are not actually true relationships. 

‘I’m in it for what I can put into it’: these are far more likely to work if the action is reciprocated by the other party(ies).

‘I’m in it for how we can support and help each other‘: these are the most likely to survive and thrive through good and bad times.

Face-to-face contact

An important part of a relationship is face-to-face contact.  Many of these face-to-face interactions carry far more value than we realise since many non-obvious factors like expression, body language, touch etc, reinforce our words and actions. It’s at these times that we can really build each other up and make the other person feel valued and important.  It may be a natural part of our relationship or we may have to work at it.  Whichever is true, it is important.

Attending my friend’s funeral has reminded me of the importance of these ‘personal’ moments and of my responsibility to help make my relationships successful.

If we are successful in just this area, we will have made a difference to other people’s lives and, I believe, made a difference to our own life too, because as our behaviour changes in one area it will almost certainly impact many other areas of our life at the same time … and surely that can only be a bonus.

Forget the Hype: businesses are not interested in retaining exisiting customers

We seem to live in an age where what you say is really important: say the right things and everyone loves you; say the wrong things and you rapidly become a pariah!

For me the importance isn’t so much what people say, it’s more about whether they apply their words:  do they actually do what they say?

Business gurus have told us for years the importance of retaining current customers as ‘They are much easier to gain repeat business from than new customers’ etc.

I have had two experiences that fly in the face of this within the past 3 weeks. 

Two different companies ‘guaranteed’ to supply services for my business and to acknowledge this agreement in writing. 

1. The first company did neither and did not make any response to e-mails, telephone calls, a fax or written letter (plenty of promises to call back within 45 minutes etc, just no action), despite my clear indication that I would be pursuing a refund in the event of no response: I got none,  so my bank retrieved the payment.
2. The second company sent me acknowledgement in writing but then became seemingly uninterested in responding to my e-mails,  telephone calls or fax.  In addition, this technology-based company has an online formmail system that returns a string of errors when you try to use it.  So, a  good old ‘snail mail’ signature required letter has been sent so we’ll see if that elicits a response.  In the event of none, you’ve guessed it,  my bank will be busy again!

What I find amazing, is that I am not alone in these experiences.  Several friends in business have experienced the same response and reclaimed their payments.

Now I would have thought that in an economic environment that is not overly healthy or generous, we would all want to retain customers.

Clearly not!

So, is what these ‘gurus’ say important and will I listen to those gurus in future? 

Yes, it is and yes I will … because I know the importance of a loyal (and satisfied) customer base. Most of the ‘gurus’ I read are actually ordinary people who have built businesses from scratch and learned, often the hard way, the importance of backing up what they say with what they do.

But there are clearly too many who either ‘speak the speak but don’t walk the talk’, or who don’t know about this important principle or who simply don’t care, and for them, I fear the future is not Orange!

Incompatibility Between Avast! Free Antivirus & Window XP SP3?

I recently tried a couple of free antivirus software solutions having paid for one for several years which has now got too clever (you can’t get just the antivirus; it has to scan for malware, be a firewall, wash your underwear, the usual story) and clashes with most other protective software on my PC.

I found AVG free version to be good, but it’s huge, takes up loads of space and tries to make itself the centre of your universe .. “Do you want to use AVG as your default search engine’ etc.  It’s also pretty slow loading and within one reboot repeatedly displays a banner telling me that mscvr80.dll can no longer be found so I did a bit of research on St Google and Avast! free version came up highly recommended.  It seems to be just an antivirus and does what it says on the can; well mostly.  After a couple of scans I noticed that my desktop was erratic loading from reboot or when the PC was first switched on: sometimes it loaded but most times it showed me desktop icons but no taskbar, quick launch bar or start icon, and in that state it remained locked until a reboot, when sometimes it sorted itself out … until today.

Today I spent 7 hours searching for every solution I could that may account for the desktop not loading properly.  My PC almost lived in safe mode and I tried system restore (several times), various C: prompt commands (from web articles), antivirus and antimalware scans, but no result.

In desperation, I tried what I should probably have done first, I uninstalled Avast! free antivirus, et voila, everything worked fine.

This incompatibility with Windows XP, especially SP3 is rarely mentioned but by chance I noticed that a couple of people had reported similar problems with their desktop not loading after installing Avast! antivirus. At least one article mentioned that it was the Avast! software itself that had become corrupted.

I don’t know or understand the reasons, but I do know that if you’re having problems with your desktop loading in Windows XP and have Avast! antivirus installed, it may be worth trying to uninstall the antivirus software first as you could save yourself 7 hours of frustration (and no work!)

Our Life Experience is Never Wasted

Since the middle of 2009 I have been visiting schools on a voluntary basis to talk about a whole range of different subjects: my work, pain, drugs, clinical trials, music. 

What has become apparent is how much of the information I had thought of as specialist is applicable to students in their studies, today.  It’s been a bit of a surprise rediscovery.  For example, my background in clinical trials has allowed me to share a wealth of knowledge with Year 7, Year 8, Year 9, GCSE and A-Level students.  What’s more, I’ve also had opportunities to provide input at higher education (degree) level.

So where does this leave me with respect to all the other activities I undertake, personally and as part of my business?

Add it to my portfolio!

What I am learning more and more is that we all have our own unique life story.  No-one else can tell it: it’s ours!  That story is extremely valuable to others, both in terms of our knowledge and our experience, however little we me feel we have! 

When I take time to look back and look at my experiences (good and bad) I’m amazed how often the help, advice or opinion of someone else has helped, either for providing a solution or for clarifying my thinking.

Our experiences are never wasted.  It is usually the bad ones we remember most and that come back to haunt us, but there are many good experiences which have etched their impact into the metal of our lives.

So, why should it be any different with our career?  All of life experience is valuable for how we learn and interact with others (or don’t).  If we add our total experience together, we will be amazed at what we can offer: it’s usually more than we ever realise. 

After all, it’s free added value!

The Importance of Personal Contacts

I have pretty much lived clinical trials, clinical research & drug development for 18 years of my life! So, when I was made redundant in 2007 I decided to try something new as a career. I focused on my drumming & percussion workshops for schools, businesses, community groups … and I discovered the importance of previous experience and exposure.

I am reasonably well-known in a few circles locally for my percussion and drumming work, but my workshops, though plentiful had been voluntary input to a couple of schools for friends who were teachers: I worked full-time and did the workshops as favours. These were extremely well received and over a period of 5 years or so I made many visits.

Unfortunately, around the time I left work, there were major changes in the teachers (specifically, head teachers) at the schools where I had worked. My friends retired or left the profession and so many of my contacts evaporated overnight.

The last 2 or so years has been spent building links with new schools, but with many competitors already established, it has not been easy.

And through all of this, the old adage that “It’s not what you know, but who you know” has shouted in my face many times. Sure, I’ve had breaks and done workshops, and the future is looking bright, but it is difficult to express the frustration and sometimes blind panic that ceases hold when the very thing you’re wrestling with is what puts bread and butter on the table, clothes on your back and keeps your car on the road.

So what have I learnt?

In three words, “Never give up!”

I’ve learnt more about myself, my strengths and my weaknesses during this time than at just about any other period in my life. And I intend to work on these as I move forward.

But if you’re a teacher, or a manager who is looking for creative drumming & percussion workshops to spice up your lessons or build your times (and you’re based in the UK), I can help! 🙂

Ethics & Integrity

How we deal with people is crucial to our success (and theirs) in all areas of life.

Life without integrity is like a lighthouse without a light: everything’s fine until darkness falls or the storms break.

Simple Solution: IE8 Information Bar Not Working

I recently logged on to the Windows Update site, only to receive the message,

Install the ActiveX control required to view the website
The website will not display correctly on your computer without this control. To install it:

1. Right-click the Internet Explorer Information Bar. It’s located just below the address bar.
2. In the right-click menu, click Install ActiveX Control.
3. In the Security Warning dialog box, click Install.

Unfortunately, there was no ’Internet Explorer Information Bar’ showing below my address bar in IE8.

This was strange, as I had only visited the update site a few of days previously when everything worked fine. I use Windows XP Pro as my operating system and I run ZoneAlarm Pro firewall and BitDefender 2008 antivirus software.

I searched Google for answers and as usual there were lots of in-depth analyses and a load more questions back … but no answers.

So, I put together a few bits I’d gleaned from the discussions (I am not a computer expert; quite the opposite), did a bit of experimenting by trial-and-error and managed to solve the problem.

The answer was very simple and involved only 3 or 4 clicks with the mouse. Here it is:

I remembered that I had been frustrated by how slow IE8 was running so I had been into the Tools > Manage Add-Ons menu and switched off accelerators etc. However, one Add-On I’d also switched off (disabled) which was the cause of my problems was the MUWebControl Class. So I switched it back on again (enabled it) by right clicking on the word ‘Disabled’ and then choosing ‘Enable’ from the dropdown box … and voilá, everything worked fine. Problem solved.

I understand that this may not work for you but if it does, you will be saved a lot of time and frustration.

Trust me; I’ve been there!

Hope this helps!

Lessons from Buena Vista Orchestra

Last night was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve enjoyed for a very long time. Eight months after buying the tickets, I witnessed the phenomenon that is the Buena Vista Orchestra (also known as Orquestra Buena Vista & Buena Vista Social Club).

Many of the original stars from that special night in Carnegie Hall in 1998 have since passed on, but what remains is still a testament to the skill, passion and fun of Cuban musicians, many of whom have been formative in the creation of what we now know as Latin music.

Reflecting on why they were so special, I came up with several things that set them apart from other concerts and bands I have seen (and enjoyed):

1. A sense of history – Many of these people have helped to create the music synonymous with Cuba, the platform on which today’s musicians build. Age is no issue; it’s a strength and a valuable commodity. Experience is something we often overlook as we clamber to be new and different; often too insecure to learn from those who’ve gone before.
2. A sense of value and heritage – These people are firmly connected to their music and cultural roots. It’s not a problem; it’s a bonus. They are not afraid of their culture, nor to share that culture and history with their audience, most of whom have little or no connection to it (apart from music). It’s not about preaching; it’s about showing and sharing; inviting others on board … and judging by the response of the 2500 people at the concert, they were successful.
3. They connected with their audience – Many of us could learn a great deal from the members of Buena Vista Orchestra. They brought something that can be difficult to connect with if you’re not a part of that culture … and enabled us to connect with it. Even musicians often fail to connect with the complex rhythms, how the pieces fit together, how the melodies interweave. Others can’t handle the fluidity and movement in the music, music that doesn’t sit comfortably with a click track yet is devilishly tight. Yet, this wasn’t a problem for the audience as these masters of their art communicated with people’s hearts and souls, calling them on board to experience something new, even if they didn’t understand it. They felt it, were drawn in by it and stoked the fire for more … which they got!
4. They promoted each other – The musicians were clearly ‘old school’ in their playing, but that is what made it so great. There were no stars on stage; they were all stars and they created a platform for their colleagues to shine. Their playing was an expression of themselves but was for each other and the audience, not self-indulgent and about themselves … a lesson many of us could learn.
5. They exuded joy – Music wasn’t just something technical to be played; it wasn’t just an exercise in playing the correct notes; being safe or cerebral. The music they played was part of them; it was their soul; their passion; something to express who they are; from their hearts. It was something to enjoy and that enjoyment spurred each other on and fired the audience. Their enthusiasm and passion was infectious, drawing others in.
6. They were themselves – As we passed the stage door after the gig (and there was no-one else around … how rare is that?) the band emerged and were no different to how they were on stage; smiling, laughing and very willing to give time for a brief chat and sign tickets.

It took me a long time to fall asleep last night. I was full of the gig and my mind raced over and over through the tunes and why I’d enjoyed the evening so much.

Now all I need to do is apply some of what I’ve learnt and hopefully those I meet will benefit.

Thank you Orquestra Buena Vista. Long may you continue to inspire those who have the privilege and pleasure of witnessing your concerts (and your music).

STEM Ambassadors

The STEMNET web site defines a STEM (Science Technology Engineering & Mathematics)Ambassador as

‘An everyday person from a real working background who volunteers their time for free to act as an inspiring role model to young people’.

STEM Ambassadors help to stimulate the minds and imaginations of young people. They provide a refreshing change to regular lessons and activities for students and staff, bringing a fresh perspective to STEM subjects and careers.

Each Ambassador is registered, trained and CRB checked.

The STEM Ambassadors programme is STEMNET’s flagship programme, relying on over 18,000 volunteers who offer their time and support free of charge to promote STEM subjects to young learners. It is an invaluable and free resource for teachers, helping them deliver the STEM curriculum in fresh and innovative ways.

The programme aspires to make a real difference to the delivery of STEM subjects to young people. Key objectives include making every school in the UK aware of the programme and providing over 27,000 STEM Ambassadors nationwide by 2011.

The STEM Ambassador programme is co-ordinated by STEMNET via 52 organisations across the country to fulfil a brokerage role to schools through STEMPOINT contracts. Through strong links with business organisations the brokerage service aims to ensure that all schools and colleges can offer their students programmes which support the curriculum and increase the quality and quantity of students moving into further STEM education, training and development.

STEMNET aim to be recognised as the leader in enabling all young people to achieve their potential in STEM by:

• Enabling all young people, regardless of background, are encouraged to understand the excitement and importance of science, technology, engineering and mathematics in their lives, and the career opportunities to which the STEM subjects can lead
• Helping all schools and colleges across the UK understand the range of STEM Enhancement & Enrichment opportunities available to them and the benefits these can bring to everyone involved
• Encouraging business, organisations and individuals wanting to support young people in STEM to target their efforts and resources in a way that will deliver the best results for them and young people.

I recently signed-up as a STEM Ambassador. If you’re a teacher and the above interests you then you can find more about my particular input to the STEM programme here.

If you have a passion to help schools and students in their STEM activities then why not contact your local STEM provider for more details.  Full details on the STEMNET web site.

Making Complex Ideas Easy to Understand

If you read my last blog entry you’ll remember that I discovered what is perhaps my key skill, making complex things easy to understand, following a long period of working with people whose background was very different to my own and thought very differently to myself. 

This discovery didn’t come overnight and it was only after working in often difficult and frustrating circumstances that I was able to find my talent, even if it did have to be confirmed by people around me before the ‘light went on’ and I realised what it was! 

In reality, the little phrase I now use to crystallise my skill, Making the Complex Easy was only finally formulated a couple of months ago whilst talking to my business mentor about it.  Thankfully, Sandra is very persistent and also very perceptive and the phrase eventually fell out as I tried to capture what I did in less than a paragraph!

We were discussing my experiences whilst studying for my PhD; whilst working in the pharmaceutical industry; whilst working in schools; with friends; in church.  Time and time again the examples we discussed had the same repeating theme: 

How can I make it easy for others to understand what I’m saying?

This was important to me becasue I have always been someone who has had to work hard to understand things.  Combine this with a  severe lack of contentment if I couldn’t really ‘get inside’ and understand what I was trying to learn.  Knowledge for me has more to do with its application than knowledge for knowledge’s sake. 

By understanding something I can use my knowledge in how I decide to move forward and use it in my own life and situations.

So, I suppose it was a natural progression that I should want others to enjoy the same opportunities.  Here are a few of the instances we discussed of how and when I’d made complex things easy:

• My PhD was focussed on pain relief and what was involved in helping us control painful stimuli, so important in conditions like malignant diseases.  More than once I was asked to explain what I was investigating by friends who had no science background.  So, I was often trying to explain complex pharmacological and biochemical processes in simple terms like opening and closing gates, keys in locks, motorways and side roads.
• One of my tasks whilst working in the pharmaceutical industry was training sales representative, many of whom were from a marketing and selling background and without any science input, on the decidedly unsimple process of our body’s immunological response to infection by viruses.  Here terms like cavalry, snipers, secret messengers and chewing and spitting were used to demystify the process.
• My last role in the pharmaceutical industry before I accepted redundancy was to provide technical and information support to physicians and researchers on the data available to support the use of a specific drug in difficult-to-treat and potentially life-threatening conditions.  The problem I was faced with was that I had over 600 slides in my presentation with a usual time slot of a lunch break (i.e., between 10 minutes and 1 hour).  My solution was to reverse the process and devise an interactive presentation where my audience told me what they wanted to talk about and we ‘dipped-in’ and ‘dipped-out’ of the presentation and information available.  This seemed a revolution to many of my audience and I spent hours discussing how they could put together a similar format for their own work, thereby enabling the passing-on of important information in a more targetted way: reducing a complex array of slides to easy-to-digest, smaller segments.
• Whilst working I often took time out to visit schools and help children to understand what they were learning in the science of sound arena.  As a drummer and percussionist I was used to making sounds (noise some would call it) and as a scientist I understood some of the principles behind the sounds I was making.  So I took samples of my drums and percussion into schools and we experimented together and began to understand what made some sounds high, some low; some loud and some soft. What amazed me after these lessons was that I received a lot of feedback on how the children had used some of the more socially orientated skills (listening, talking, thinking together) and the reasoning and experimental approaches in their other subjects and in generally working together in  other lessons.  Making it easy in one subject had been transferrable to other areas of school life (and hopefully in their wider life). 
• My daughter, who is no scientist, was revising for her GCSEs and needed to understand the basics of the electrophoresis of DNA for DNA profiling.  Saying the word is difficult, let alone understanding it.  So I explained that the long strand of DNA is cut into lots of smaller pieces by enzymes (chemical saws).  The result is a bit like a shoal of fish:  some very small; some larger; some longer; some big and some huge. The plate onto which the sample of ‘chewed DNA’ is placed is like lines of fishing nets and when the electric current was switched on, it was a bit like a river or the tide flowing, taking the fish with it.  Little fish was pass easily through the nets and the longer and larger fish would get stuck more quickly or have to work harder to swim through the nets.  The huge fish wouldn’t be able to get through at all and would stay where they were.  At the end of the experiment when the electric current is switched off, it is like taking a snap shot or photograph of where all the fish are.  The ‘bands of fish’ are like the bands of DNA on the plate: smaller fish/pieces of DNA have travelled furthest, largest fish/pieces of DNA haven’t been able to move at all.  My daughter understood this more pictorial, less scientific approach and manged to answer questions on her GCSE paper, getting a Grade B which was a true miracle.

… and I guess that’s why I’m so passionate about making difficult things easy to understand … once we understand them we have chance to use the knowledge and achieve more than we thought possible.

There will always be those who like to keep things complicated because it gives them a sense of power and importance; they are the only ones who know.  But in a world where increasing co-operation is becoming a key factor (especially in business) and clarity of understanding paramount, the sharing of knowledge in an easy to understand way is, I believe becoming ever more crucial, not  only for success, but for survival.